It’s difficult to get through the divorce process without thinking at one point or another that some of the outcomes are unfair.
There are so many examples of this, such as:
- Mom is working full time and struggling to pay bills but she STILL owes the father child support
- Dad pays child support but knows the money is not being spent on the kids
- Mom has to use up valuable funds to hire a lawyer to chase down the father who’s not paying support
- Dad has hidden his income so the amount of child support being paid is small while he’s riding around in a Mercedes and taking expensive trips
- One of the parents has to go through the Family Responsibility Office to chase down payments in arrears, costing time and money (not to mention frustration).
- One parent is primarily responsible for the kids during the marriage while the other parent is absent, and now they get equal time post-divorce.
Now, this last point isn’t so bad because it’s almost always best (almost) for children to spend time with both parents. But you get the idea. Sometimes, it just doesn’t seem right and why doesn’t the law deal with this “fairly.”
I’ve seen clients become bitter, frustrated, and angry. They complain to family members, friends, and anyone who will listen. That includes paying a lot of money to vent to your lawyer, despite the fact they’re not qualified to help you emotionally.
So how do you cope with this often toxic hurdle? I always say – pick your battles. Are you stuck with this scenario? Is there a way to change the court order that makes sense? Can you actually prove material change?
Remember, if you go to court, you need evidence, not anger, and not emotion. Ultimately, of the family law system determines you are stuck with the orders then you need to find a way to let go of the anger and bitterness. It will destroy you and possibly impact your relationship with your children who are very in-tuned when it comes to parental divisiveness.
Also, keep in mind there are risks and pitfalls in letting a third-party make decisions for you. You probably won’t like the decision they stick you with and that’s why we believe in the collaborative law process.
In collaborative law, YOU are part of the solution and the decision-making process. I say this often but it’s worth repeating, we make a social worker and a financial neutral part of the collaborative team. They are trained to find equitable solutions, and options should circumstances change.
And during each step, you have a measure of control to ensure you don’t get stuck .. with that unfair divorce.